You know what’s awesome, companies that make shit I want to
buy. Their the most (annoying) awesome. They just produce and produce and produce and
then slap on a sticker that says limited edition.
“Limited edition”….. That’s the best marketing phrase I’ve ever seen.
It’s limited
An edition
It won’t be around for ever
It’s going to be gone soon... imagine the horror you will feel when someone
(everyone else) has the thing that you only had vague interest in owning and
never really cared about and now you can’t buy it.
Cause it’s gone
Cause it was “limited”
Roll those (dirty) words in your mouth.
You
Cant
Have
It
Cause its limited
“But I have money??”
“Too bad….limited edition”
“But ebay…?”
“Ebay costs too much….limited edition.”
Bob over there, He got one, he has it but what have you
got. You have nothing, NASINK, butkiss, zero, you lose, you can’t win, Nada, zilch,
zoink, zip, the big empty, a fat Easter egg of sadness, absolute fuck all, the small potatoes, an
empty purse …you got an analogy for “does not have it” and it applies here.
And that not having will gnaw at you; eat at you insides,
burn like stomach acid after a double peperoni and pineapple pizza with Sunkist
as a drink. You’ll think to (loser) yourself
…that is not fair…I should have it , how come Bob has it, (stupid) Bobs not better
than me , I know for a fact that (kill)Bob
is distinctly worse than me …his name is FUCKING BOB FOR GODS SAKE. WHAT A LOOOOOOSER.
And then you think about it, stew on it, wonder,
ponder, pontificate and plan. Every day that
knowledge growing that (ugly) Bob is rubbing his dirty genitals on the thing
that you should own and he’s disrespecting
it. Not like you Noooo, you would
love it, care for it, take it to the park and let it play…romance it softly
with strawberries’ and chocolate, play sweet soothing music and treat it to
trips to the ballet which you don’t like but that’s OK because your beautiful
thing likes it…you would make loooooove to that thing. And Bobs just doing it …. Animal style.(Filthy
dirty) Bob, with his beautiful shiny that you should own. And you hate
him
Oh HO But it gets worse
One day Bob says to you (stupid ugly hobbits Bob) "Hey man....did
you see the thing I got …it went up in value.”
Smiling (die) happy Bob. And now
you know what happened. It’s worth more...massively
worth more and YOU DON’T HAS IT. (Goofy
ugly hobbits)Bob has it...and he didn’t pay much, because he bought IT early and
got a deal on it. (gollum)And now he’s laughing
at (cheap worthless)you and spending all that extra money he has form it going
up in value on MOOOOOORE (ham) THINGS that are beautiful and wonderful and he’s
DEFILING (precious)THEM with his (fat ugly hobbit’s) face and his grubby finger
and all that bad stuff you know Bob does but no one will arrest him for it even
though they KNOW he’s a bad person…how could they not…he’s a fat filthy
Baggins …Gollum…..ugly itchy BOB.
And then one day Bob dies……….
What an odd occurrence.
Everyone liked Bob …didn’t they……stupid fat Baggins …..Itchy……scratchy……..
gollum
Soooooo, I’m going to
win. All you collectors out there. Everyone who thinks they Have something
special, neat, unique... worthwhile. You
all lose. I’ve won. You might as well
give up now because I’m the collector supreme.
For an undisclosed amount of money (no I’m not gonna tell you) I have won
a trip to see
BROM!!!
Brom is the greatest fantasy artist t of my generation. Not last generation, that was Frazetta, but my
generation.
Brom started a kick starter. Do you know what that is? Well go look it up. And for
a certain amount (noooo I will not say) I have the option to meet Brom, eat
dinner with Brom, get a paining done for the cover of his book by Brom...and then
get myself painted a s a zombie, vampire,
werewolf, tax collect etc etc. Brom will
paint me…glorious glorious me. And then I
will win. Cause there's only one Brom...and there's only one me…and there will only be one picture of Me…by Brom Hence...I win and all for an, albeit substantial, but totally worth it amount of money (NO STOP
ASKING)
Me…painted by Brom and the put in his book…..AND MADE UNTO
LIKE GOD …..AN IMMORTAL ALL POWERFUL
BEING TO BE WORSHIPPED HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Also I win
And will have hair again
Age Quod Agis
