As one or two of you may have heard, noticed, been told
about, or ignored…I’m separated from my wife.
“Better friends than married” I believe is the comment du jour...and...It
may have some weight to it. I and my ex-wife …get along pretty damn well, now
that we don’t have to deal with the crushing weight of being chained to one
another like some sort of grotesque 4 legged monster, AKA “being married”. I think she feels much the same (I hope). Certainly there are hurdles to overcome. Stuff needed to be separated, friends
distributed and new rules to be laid down.
And while I love her very much and always will; we both seem somewhat happier
these days. I hope she feels the same as
I. Mostly about the still loving me
part. Cause if not….awkward post.
However it educationally intriguing to see how it could be going. My wife’s good friend, we will call her “Sarah”
and those in the know will appreciate the reference, also has gone through a separation
with her significant other. Lord but
for the grace of god there go I. It’s
bad on lot of levels, the hate, the vitriol, the…pettiness of some of it. Its thing’s like this that make me appreciate
my ex in a great deal many more ways. And
because telling her would be tantamount to complimenting her and I dare not
ever do this thing lest the scales of power be tipped. I’ll put in a post I know she reads. Look how very clever I have become.
Now comes the hard part. At some point…..I may want to date a new girl. 11 years I have not had to do this and to be honest, I was not amazing at it the first time. My dating life was…limited. Not that I was fantastically horrible at picking up the ladies…or being “pimpresive” (see prev journal blogs {READ THEM ALL}) but I didn’t really try very hard. Perhaps because at that time girls were mysterious creatures made perhaps of chlorine gas and if you touched one they would rupture and kill and anyone standing around you, or more likely my lack of experience made dealing with them more effort than I really wished to exert. Well guess what kiddos…I get to do it again. And I honestly do not know how……
Do you talk to them, hit them with club, but them drinks, demand they dance on your
lap, offer them bribes, use a gun,
knife, chloroform or chocolate trap to carouse them back to your car to carry them home, Mexico, China or Mars? Is the first 20 minute too soon to buy them lingerie? If I ignore them will they find me more attractive
or will showering them with incessant affection guarantee sexy times. Should I show them my shuffle to shower these
sense with insatiable ….S …words……that might apply here. Are girls now mean, angry, artsy, feminist, snide, sarcastic, sly, sick,
studious, decent, dark, depraved depressed daunting , energetic, effervescent, everything
you could hope for, everything your mother warned you about or everything you
hoped you’d never meet. Perhaps they
want money, jewels, and cards or just to be held while watching the latest
sparkly vampire film and 6 hour long diatribes of why women should and should
not marry Colin Firth. If I buy them a
copy of “50 shades of grey” will they be insulted or applaud my male sensibilities
to their needs and wants. Are flowers
the way to go, or do I need to invest in a liqueur cabinet or a drug dealer to
seal the deal. Perhaps I should breed
husky puppies so that when I ever I meet a girl I can just give her one out of
a sac I carry around with me (hopefully still alive) and the hold out my arms
to accept the incoming gratitude of a girl I probably met 5 minutes ago…while
ordering dinner…at a restaurant.
What is the new hotness when it comes to dating girls? For that matter….what was the old hotness?
“Politic wars the
revenge” just ended and we have a sexy new president, who happens to look a
lot like our old president just with more grey hair. And republicans have become stupid again and are
apparently trying to secede from the union.
Really? Do they seriously think their
worthless red state will be able to survive as its own country for more than a
week? Everything republicans do is just
stupid. And I’m not political…I’m really not. But I cannot look at these people and not be blown
away by general republican stupidity. Secede
from the union because you don’t like Obama??? What!?
I the master of alliteration and artistic application of the American language…have
no words for this retardedness. Except
republicans are dumb
If any of you reading this are republican I apologize for
the previous comments…or not…..cause your dumb…sorry…you are.
One thing about politics that is interesting to me is the debates, and how worthless they are. No one I have ever met has looked at me and said...
”I was gonna vote for that guy, but then the other guy tolds
me sum good stuff in a DE-bate and now I’m gonna vote for him instead.”
Instead they’ve become verbal caged boxing matches. And people just watch to see if there government
fighting cock won the contest or caved before the opposition. I like a good fight too, but by god if I see
a fight I want to see some blood. In my opinion
we should just round up awesome fighters from around the world, put little
donkey or elephant patches on them and unleash them on each other in no hold
barred carnage contest to the ULTIMATE death……with laser swords. It doesn’t have to be the president…it could
be a genetically modified SUPER MONSTER with 3 eyes and an extra jaw named
MOLAR!!!!! I think it would be just as
fun and twice as useful. And it would
mean we have laser swords…..which I really really want
New bond was good and I’d go into more detail but I want to
show a picture for new statue. So here’s
that instead
Next time thanks giving and my opinions on rich people
Age quad Agis
