I was going to talk about Godzilla but we all saw it and loved so really what more is there to say.
But since it was good here's a cool picture.
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| King Ghidora hates politics |
Imagine you have a car.
And it’s great (OK it's pretty good).
It looks good it has new tires and a sweet paint job…red like that Garfield
cartoon. White trim along the side, the awesome
spoiler that you like that everyone else thinks is dumb but they're wrong cause it’s
not dumb and just look at it. It’s the coolest
spoiler ever. The radio is awesome and
has a SEE DEE player in it, the lights are bright the leather is deluxe and the
mirrors are shiny shiny . The car is
freakin’ sweet. Now take this awesome
fucking car (or at least pretty good one) and imagine that it’s missing one
thing …..The gas pedal for instance.
Everything else is great but that gas pedal is missing. And to top it off, there is no replacement
gas pedal you can purchase. There’s not one
damn gas pedal that fits your car sir. It
just ain’t happening. You can sort poke
a stick down there or try some word glue thing or buy a different gas pedal
that won’t really fit but its awkward and looks weird and gives you a blister
on your heel. The car will drive, just
not quite like you want it to drive.
So …despite loving the car and wanting to keep it…you go
buy another car. WITH a gas pedal. Cause
man every goddamn person in the world likes to have a gas pedal and your car doesn’t
and that will just not stand. Because it’s
missing that one fucking part that car is an abysmal failure of a car. 98% is great but that 2% fucks you every time
That’s the analogy of my life. And it sucks sometimes and I’m bitter so
there.
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| This apparently is the most bitter melon in the world…I must have eaten one |
You know what awesome about paintball. It is a clear and
hard reminder that you are not 20. As I donned
my gear and strode out on the field feeling very manly and cool I thought, I should
be able to do this for quite a while. It’s a nice
day, my guns not too heavy and my gas mask breathes well and I have a clever
hat featuring a wrestling superstar that may be retired. That’s super cool. And I feel super cool.
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| CM punk says "Cool hat bro" |
"But you don’t work out and you have a sedentary desk
job. Surely this paint balling will kill
you."
No No say I. For
paint ball is about the gun and the shooting and superior dexterity. All shooting uses dexeteriy...my RPG book's all agree I shall hustle to a spot, stand there and
rain pain upon my foes from afar with gas powered paint projectiles and they will
die and scream out in waves as I laugh behind my wall of ego and hutzpah.
And then the siren goes off.
And you hustle. And hustling is
hard. What the hell, I’m a tad winded
and I sprinted like….6 feet. How did
that happen? But that cool cause its
shooting time and I’m fucking ready for shooting time. Don’t you know, that’s why I showed up to
this par-tay; for the shooting of mine enemies.
So you stand up and then instantly fling yourself to the ground as a
hail of gas powered paint ball come hurtling YOUR direction. This is not going as planned. You do the pop and shoot and then realize you
are going to have to …..GO ELSEWHERE cause staying in one spot is suicide as
your enemies come for you with malevolence in their eyes. So doing the low
crawl/run shuffle that looks good in movies but looks stupid when you do it, you
head for other barrels. And yet even
though you have devised this near perfect stratagem they STILL send paint your
way. And then someone shoots you in the
elbow and you die. And after that 5 min burst
of energy….You are damn tired!! And why
are you tired…cause you not 20 anymore and you don’t work out and have a
sedentary job. Well done paintball, I have
been shown up.
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How I think I look
VS
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| How I really look |
Age Quod Agis
