Chinese Melons

I was going to talk about Godzilla but we all saw it and loved so really what more is there to say.

But since it was good here's a cool picture.

King Ghidora hates politics

Imagine you have a car.  And it’s great (OK it's pretty good).  It looks good it has new tires and a sweet paint job…red like that Garfield cartoon.  White trim along the side, the awesome spoiler that you like that everyone else thinks is dumb but they're wrong cause it’s not dumb and just look at it.  It’s the coolest spoiler ever.  The radio is awesome and has a SEE DEE player in it, the lights are bright the leather is deluxe and the mirrors are shiny shiny .  The car is freakin’ sweet.  Now take this awesome fucking car (or at least pretty good one) and imagine that it’s missing one thing …..The gas pedal for instance.  Everything else is great but that gas pedal is missing.   And to top it off, there is no replacement gas pedal you can purchase.  There’s not one damn gas pedal that fits your car sir.  It just ain’t happening.  You can sort poke a stick down there or try some word glue thing or buy a different gas pedal that won’t really fit but its awkward and looks weird and gives you a blister on your heel.  The car will drive, just not quite like you want it to drive.    

So …despite loving the car and wanting to keep it…you go buy another car. WITH a gas pedal.  Cause man every goddamn person in the world likes to have a gas pedal and your car doesn’t and that will just not stand.  Because it’s missing that one fucking part that car is an abysmal failure of a car.  98% is great but that 2% fucks you every time

That’s the analogy of my life.  And it sucks sometimes and I’m bitter so there.

This apparently is the most bitter melon in the world…I must have eaten one

 You know what awesome about paintball. It is a clear and hard reminder that you are not 20.  As I donned my gear and strode out on the field feeling very manly and cool I thought, I should be able to do this for quite a while.  It’s a nice day, my guns not too heavy and my gas mask breathes well and I have a clever hat featuring a wrestling superstar that may be retired.  That’s super cool.  And I feel super cool.

CM punk says "Cool hat bro"

"But you don’t work out and you have a sedentary desk job.  Surely this paint balling will kill you."

No No say I.  For paint ball is about the gun and the shooting and superior dexterity.  All shooting uses dexeteriy...my RPG book's all agree  I shall hustle to a spot, stand there and rain pain upon my foes from afar with gas powered paint projectiles and they will die and scream out in waves as I laugh behind my wall of ego and hutzpah. 

And then the siren goes off.  And you hustle.  And hustling is hard.  What the hell, I’m a tad winded and I sprinted like….6 feet.  How did that happen?  But that cool cause its shooting time and I’m fucking ready for shooting time.  Don’t you know, that’s why I showed up to this par-tay; for the shooting of mine enemies.  So you stand up and then instantly fling yourself to the ground as a hail of gas powered paint ball come hurtling YOUR direction.  This is not going as planned.  You do the pop and shoot and then realize you are going to have to …..GO ELSEWHERE cause staying in one spot is suicide as your enemies come for you with malevolence in their eyes.  So doing the low crawl/run shuffle that looks good in movies but looks stupid when you do it, you head for other barrels.  And yet even though you have devised this near perfect stratagem they STILL send paint your way.  And then someone shoots you in the elbow and you die.  And after that 5 min burst of energy….You are damn tired!!  And why are you tired…cause you not 20 anymore and you don’t work out and have a sedentary job.  Well done paintball, I have been shown up.

How I think I look

 VS

How I really look

 

 

 Age Quod Agis