Praise Da Jesus

Its 4:20 am in the morning and I feel the need to wax poetic.

I often talk religion with my friends.  First off let me be clear... I am not religious.  I do not believe in a Christian god or that there is an all-powerful mystical force out there who guides and protects us with his huge god hand or that if we suck as people we are going to some place filled with fire and scary demon gribblies or that if we are really nice and follow a very detailed, prescribed set of commands and terms that we get to go to awesome awesome land filled with awesome awesome people and fluffy clouds and potentially smoking hot girls with wings.  IF heaven is real then I’m definitely not going there due to my unstable moral state and lack of BE-lief and boy when I get to hell will my face be red.  And burnt probably.

But yes Religion is all dumb…to ME

In my ever so humble opinion religion as a whole is a tool used to control and manipulate people.  Let me break this down for you.  People use religion like the following: Man tells people that he has contact with super powerful awesome god like creature and that he...conveniently…is the mouth piece of said awesome super powerful awesome god like creature.  He indicate to you...the unwashed masses…that there is a mystical force out there that can  and will punish you and if you don’t do what he, the mouth piece of this awesomely, terrible and powerful entity, wants you to do, you will be punished.  And not like told off, or given a stern lecture or sent to your room, but like really seriously scary punished.  Burned alive or eaten by rabid babies or forced to watch soap operas all day dubbed in Portuguese with mistranslated subtitles.  Serious scary bad stuff man.

So this amazing mouth piece of "God" is telling you to sit down shut up, give him money and do what you’re told.  Don’t talk back, don’t rock the boat for the love of god DON’T ASK QUESTIONS!!!  Make sure you let el Jefe let him make all the decisions because “God” told him so and he obviously knows better than you.  And that is pretty messed up cause it is basically a social form of mind control that keep people under some lying jack-asses thumb and are generally oppressed and delusional.   In MY OPINION

 However…. Religious people (not religion) do have a thing that I don’t.  And that this belief that no matter how crappy there life is, no matter what terrible thing befalls them…it’s all going to rock at the end.  They did the right thing.  They followed the rules and listened to the guy and went to the place and did the things and they’re going to get to the place.  With this no matter how much you hose your life, no matter how much you fuck up  or don’t do right or completely fail….if you are a good person and do the “right thing” you will get to go to the super awesome place of awesomeness.  GUARANTEED!!!

Whether this is delusion or truth…it has to be pretty comforting, knowing that while it may suck here, one day, it’s not going to suck at all…and it is something I don’t have available to me.  Without this faith that at the end of the day I’m not going to go to heaven it means that if I hose my life…I’m fucked.  Well and truly fucked.  Proper fucked.  I messed up and when I die I’m just gonna die unhappy, sad and alone.  Possibly with brain cancer and a stubbed toe.   And I’m not  going  anywhere were all my “loved ones” are,  or are nice  clouds or potentially smoking hot strippers with wings.…(cause in my heaven the angels are smoking hot strippers...or..sluts...whatever.)  So …rock on religious folk, I hope

your heaven is out there and by the way your god is a lie…...coughs

Kirk says so ...it must be true

Speaking of awesome religious shit that you can witness for oneself, this video is unintentionally hilarious

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8

This video however is intentionally hilarious

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sx7QVnHF7EY

Take note that the other guitarist …he loves what he’s doing…he's rocking...He's rocking for Jesus

This video however …well…I just don’t have the mental resources available to accurately describe what it is.  Watch and be horrified/offend/disturbed etc. etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kppx4bzfAaE

“Jesus Christ is my”……I can’t even finish the line.

Cause if the Internet is good for anything, its good for being fucking weird…amiright?

So these past few months I made the jolly old trip to jolly old England with my jolly old ex-wife.  “What the fuck is the matter with you” is the opening phrase I might hear in this situation but trust me…its OK. I and my ex are friends and because we are friends we can DO this.   And because I ditched her for some conference video thing I owe her a trip and hey…the UK...That’s cool I’ll do that.  However like you my one faithful reader, I did have some concerns going into this trip.  We've been to the UK before and we traveled fairly well together and that was great.  HOWEVER traveling with someone you love and are in a relationship with and traveling with someone you love but happily live in 2 different houses and occasionally text each other is vastly different.  When you are in a relationship with a person you let shit go.  Because you live with them and you need to learn to compromise and they might be right or wrong but in the end that doesn’t matter because you are in a relationship with them and you make a relationship work because of love and reasons.  When you friend with them…well fuck that noise you don’t owe them nothing and they can suck it when they do annoying shit to make you mad and they deserve to be made aware of how much they can suck it and then SUFFER!!!!.  Because…me and my ex…we are annoying fucking people.  I’m not saying I’m more annoying or she is …but sometimes…..you need to kill a bitch…..that bitch might be me…but the bitch needs to die

I’m happy to say that we did all right.  There were only ….2…times that I really  considered actual murder and one the one time I had the actual opportunity to do it,  by the time I decided we were too far down the escalator and me kicking her in the back would have only maimed her and I needed her to actually die,   so I held off.  And the rest of the trip was delightful.  

Not an exact recreation

She may have had those moments as well but you would have to ask her since I know I’m perfect.  Or see it on her very well done vlog found  here.

232.

What does 232 mean.. it means I hit my cut off weight.  That’s right reader…I the beautiful angel that is Rayphoton... has hit a weight that I’m not comfortable with and that weight is 232.  This means I have to give up

Coke, chips,  cheese, cake, tacos, , donuts, lemon donuts, pizza, kebaps , burgers, baked potatoes covered in cheeses and bacon, bacon by itself, bad for me sandwiches filled with bacon , butter, 3am runs to subway, anything on Dan's menu , Kraft Velveeta shells and cheese, steak, steak additions, sugar, white brown or multicolored and in cereal form,  ANY type of soda snack candy or instant consumable, Ramen with American cheese slices and salami, deep fried EVERYTHING,  popcorn with butter. Popcorn with cheese, popcorn with caramel or popcorn with butter cheese AND caramel and because its SOOOPER important to me…coke.    

Until I’m at 210.  And then I’m eating all of that again…..AT THE SAAAAME TIME. 

 Age Quod Agis

Smack That......

So there’s this web comic type thing on deviantart by a fairly awesome Swedish/polish artist  named Stjepan Šejić about these 2 super-hot (illustration wise)girls who meet up  to engage in some super-hot lesbian BDSM and it drawn very loose and fast but stillgreat and its well written and is very honest about the BDSM world which aforementioned excellent artist Stjepan Šejić  apparently knows a lot about.

It is called Sunstone and it is really good.  Go read it HERE.

  

And as it has become pretty popular and Artist Stjepan Šejić  works for former publishing giant Topcow once helmed and may still be by the illustrious Marc Silvestri that once employed the exceedingly talented artist Michael Turner who drew the super popular Witch blade before he moved on to surf/babe comic Aspen before he died of Cancer, and they have  made it into  a handy dandy graphic novel which being a loyal fan I ordered it off the amazon RIGHT AWAY and once again I highly recommend it to all of you to purchase and read right away.

It can be purchased HERE

However, and this is where this story gets weird.   Super-hot comic about super-hot woman drawn by Stjepan Šejić having super-hot lesbian BDSM sex is NOT actually about the a fore-mentioned super-hot bondage pron,   It is instead a very lovely comic about 2 people meeting, falling in love, facing the drama that comes from such wonderful  in your face style romance and what that actually means to each of them.   It’s really lovely…really it is…..

AND features super-hot babes having super-hot lesbian BDSM sex drawn by very talented artist  Stjepan Šejić

You still with me?  

What are we talking about again?

Now after reading half the graphic novel I was …struck…by a  really weird feeling,. Like deep in my gut and I wasn’t able to identify this feeling.   It was not a pleasant feeling…it wasn’t pleasant at all.  However being emotionally stunted as have been called in the past by my ex-wife and probably my mother,  I couldn’t quite identify the feeling.  However after speaking at length with my ex-wife and when I read the second half of the graphic novel ,  I was able to more actually put into  words the emotional response I was feeling.  As the comic closes and the domme character has ended her first weekend with the new sub girl and it was really a great weekend filled with superhot babes having super-hot lesbian BDSM sex drawn by very talented artist  Stjepan Šejićs, the new girl is finally gone. The domme character looks around her large house and mentions that house seems a little bit emptier.  And why is it a little bit emptier?   It is because she is lonely. 

Well there it was.  That’s the reason I felt like I did.  I am identifying with this character.  I ..Am…alone. And by proxy that makes me lonely.  Now before you stop reading this blog and shut it down with a exasperated sigh of annoyance at my needless whining bear with me.  Loneliness is really part of the human condition.  Even when I was married I was lonely at times and my ex-wife felt and feels  lonely all the time.   My Good friend is lonely whenever I go play blood bowl or have a Sunday game even though we spend more time together then I do with my cat.     You can have kids and still be lonely, in 18 years when they leave there’s a good chance your gonna be the loneliest fucker who ever loaned an alone.   My brother was feeling quite lonely and he LIKES being alone.   Even people dating other people feel lonely as I assume my ex-girlfriend when dating me, cause…I’m...like… distant or some stupid thing.  All of my friends with maybe the exception 0f 4 are probably pretty lonely right now.   Hell even they may be lonely too…I don’t know, cause people hide it well.  There is a whole lot of loneliness in the world apparently.

  

“Well, fuck Man…just...Stop it”  You might say if we were talking to face to face. 

And really that’s the rub, it’s not an easy thing to beat.  Now you can do stuff to help with this of course. Hang out with friends, go out to places with upbeat atmospheres, socialize, engage in hobbies, watch movies. See shows, drink, watch TV, the list goes on and on.  But at the end of the day, when you lay down in bed and you finally have time to think while you’re waiting to go to sleep …you are…acutely aware of being by yourself.   You really really feel it settle in.  And it’s not a pleasant feeling… it’s not pleasant at all. 

There are 2 tried and true ways to not feel lonely.   One is easy to do but hard to comprehend and the other is easy to comprehend but hard to do.

Moral of this story, if you’re prone to feeling of the above feelings be aware that Sunstone may cause them to happen in you.  Read it regardless though…cause it really is a lovely book worth a read.

Super-hot babes having super-hot lesbian BDSM sex drawn by very talented artist  Stjepan Šejić

Let us move  on to related commentary regarding such things.  I feel that in the land of masturbation there are definitely gender specific descriptions of ways you can get yourself off.  While I feel a guy can “jack off” I don’t believe he can “diddle” himself”.    Girls may be able to “finger themselves” but are not so successful at “jerking it”.   Stroking oneself, getting  off and playing with themselves are all term’s that can apply to both however the concept of playing with oneself sounds more erotic when applied to a female then when applied to a guy cause girls are “cute” and “play” and guys aren’t and don’t.  That may be my own gender bias speaking there but I feel like it is my blog and I can tell you my opinions all I want.  

 In the search for good terms though I have found this amusing collection of masturbation euphemisms you might like to employ in the future.  A date with Palmela Handerson, Acting out the grapes of wrath, Bang yourself, Beat the beaver, Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger, Clap your clit, Clean the bean, Clicking the mouse, Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come, Fiction friction, Fire off some knuckle-children, Fucking yourself, Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love, Getting trigger happy, Hand to gland combat, Indiana Jones finding a sweet dig, Jilling off, Making it snow, One handed baseball, Playing tug of war with the Cyclops, Polishing the pearl, Roughing up the suspect, Shuffle your Ipod, Slicking Willie, Thinking of your mom, Turning Japanese, Abusing the wicked stick, Arguing with Henry Longfellow,  Dancing in the dragon’s fiery breath, Do the white knuckler,  Flog the bishop, dolphin, dong, log, mule or egg man, Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money and Evicting the testicular squatters.  By all means…..employ anyone or all of the above.

For a comprehensive list go hear http://www.mantality.co.za/blog/wanking-euphemism.html

Since showing you a pic of masturbation is highly inappropriate here’s a pic of a chipmunk

Finally I have no idea what THIS is but it’s cool and I want to see more

Age Quod Agis

cold day in....

Blog blog blog…You know where I went for  about a week or so a few months ago?  I went to Japan, yeah.. Japan motherfucker.  I was traveling abroad and abroad means Japan.  It was Japan, and if you need music to signify what this trip might have been like I got one for you

It’s not accurate nor does it actually talk about what I might have done but it uses the word Japanese a lot so were gonna stick with it as the most appropriate song I can think of right now and am willing to look for.  My willingness to do thing being pretty much key in all the stuff I do or do not do

Instead of writing this insanely long blog post about what going to Japan might have actually been like,  I’m instead going to fall back on my classic method for telling people about things and make one huge run on sentence of everything I can do packing as much un-needed alliteration into it as I can muster

I flew 28 hours, stayed in a room smaller than my laundry room at home with a man bigger than me, ate ramen with giant fried shrimp in it, rode on a train for over 40 hours for over 100 miles, bought sushi for over 300 dollars and saw stripper dancing to Whitney Houston’s the greatest love and Celine Dions Titanic song for 50$.   I was yelled at to not take pictures at studio Ghibli, the manga art museum, Kyoto castle, Hiroshima castle and Gundam park and I stood next to a life sized Gundam which was a tenth the size of the second tallest building in the world "the Japanese Skytree" which I also went to.  I ogled Japanese girls dressed as Gothic lolitas, geishas, maids, business women, samurai,  schoolgirls,  cyber angels, ninjas, robots, dragon riding priestesses, taiko drummers, and one dressed I think as a  muppet.  I ate bento boxes, crab prepared 10 different ways, chunky soda, shrimp, soup, noodles, teriyaki, Tokyo banana’s,  ramen, weird awful snacks, weird goods snacks and at one point some very tasty kfc snack item and a black mcdonalds burger.  I saw the horror of atomic war and waved hi to upwards of 100 school children that all said hello to me in very good English.  I paid to pet cats….

I learned about manga,  castles, historical leaders, the Maijin period, art, animation, and about some lady that apparently wrote a story about some imaginary dude that changed Japanese culture.  I found panties for sale in a machine and a giant turtle not for sale in a bucket on the sidewalk.  My friend was almost molested by a scary yakuza pimp…..

All this and more I did and honestly it was such an amazing trip that I can’t even remember it all without bleeding from my nose or at least referencing a photo so if you want to know more…ask

I didn't see this but it still happened in japan and is awesome

So I got an email form USAA my bank o’ choice letting me know FRAUD may have occurred.   I call them and lo and behold some douchebag in India has attempted to buy gaaaas with my monies.  USAA happily shuts my card down and sends me a brand spanking shiny  new one, no problem-o .  At the end of the call the very nice lady named Alice says thank you for contacting USAA and thank you for being a member for the last 23 years.

23……years…. Holy crap Alice.  With that one comment I felt older than any birthday, rude friend or physical malady I may have experienced in the last 10 years has caused me.  Well done. 

You ever un-friend a person?  Not Facebook unfriend them, or stop following their tumbler, or avoid them at work, but actually serious tell them “I’m not your friend anymore…you need to move on.  Sorry” I did that and I’ll be honest,  it can suck.  Of course it probably sucks waaaay more for the un-friended than the unfreinder but ultimately no one likes to be told that they have for whatever reason  not made the cut.  And if you don’t have really solid good reasons like you’re a serial killer or you ate a baby or man I dislike your fork collection…you the unfriender are going to come across as a huge fucking asshole of epic size and caliber….like a …50 caliber bullet of high dickery.    The asshole of all holes ineffect.  It might be cause I’m older or wiser of fatter or whatever, but apparently I just can’t be that monumental creation of assholery anymore without actually feeling a little bad about it.  A feeling that like water in my tub will drain away rather quickly.  So…temporarily…I got the feels bro.

Even a clown can cry

And finally.  You ever look at an idea and know…I MEAN FUCKING ABSOLUTELY KNOW in your heart of hearts that’s it’s the wrong, wrong WRONG idea.  Like just not the wrong idea but the completely worse possible idea you could ever fucking make …ever.

EVAR!!!!

 Like…looking at a mad bull and just punching it …in the face…with your OWN face and then just waiting to take it.  And all your friends but…like MAYBE one…have nodded their heads and said things like

“wow that’s a bad idea”

or

“holy Jesus don’t do that”

or

“help help you made a bad idea and I’m being killed cause of it you selfish MONSTER!!!!!”

And then you do it anyway?  Just ……thinking out loud

This kind of bad idea

As an aside....if you ask me about this bad idea...for the time being...I will not tell you.
Age Quod Agis