Shuffle and Deal

My Wife just got a new computer. As I sit here working on mine I steal glances at it, jealous of it “newness”. It clean lines and uncluttered desktop. Its built in camera. Its updated OS. Virtual chess. It mocks me with its lack of age and wear and tear. 27 inches of laughing mac-ishness mixed with...vile...newosity

Newosity is a word...I looked it up, so you don’t have too.

STOP LOOKING IT UP!!!

So all this time people have looked at me and said…
"Ray…you totally can’t dance. I mean goddamned you dance bad. Epileptic walruses’ with the fins cut off have more rhythm and grace than you do. Robots…with no appendages or programming are better dancers. Black people say white people cant dance cause they once saw you dancing. You dance like Bill Gates is poor."

Here’s a visual reference of me dancing so you can better understand

but WAIT, as it turns out… I don’t dance bad. My dance just hadn’t arrived yet. Its now here and its called the Shuffle


And it’s the way Ive been dancing all my life. I Shuffle, I’m a shuffler, I shuffled, I may be shuffling now. I shuffle to this song

Now I admit. Some of these people shuffle better than I do but they’ve been practicing. Shuffling is my natural ability, and if I practiced like they do I could enter…and win…shuffle contests. Its amazingly freeing to know I’m a shuffler and I shuffle. All you people who thought all these years I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing are wrong

I was just doing a dance that hadn’t existed yet….

That’s right

I was dancing a dance from the future.

Hahahaha...giggle

So you see…I'm not a loser or was awkward. I had sweet jive moves man , I...I was't un-cool...I WAS JUST COOL FROM A DIFFERENT TIME!!! See mother...I was shuffling. I WAS A SHUFFLER
HAHAHAHAHAH

hee hee
snort
ok ..I'm better now...maybe...heh

Skaar son of hulk was just released. Hes a unknown character. his ex sold out in an hour...fascinating

I have a potential shot at a job as a tech support at home depot. The likeliness of me not wanting to kill myself or someone else at this job is nil. I may let it go. You all may think that's stupid. Your welcome to your opinions (worthless as they might be)


Shuffle Quod Shuffled

Horse and Carriage

So, this ones a little different than other posts. Be aware.

A long time ago in a distant call center really not all that far away, the forces of awesome collided with the forces of evil. From that collision was born a “Dragon Ball Z” like friendship of mutual respect tinged with a desire to see the other person get mangled or fall down the stairs . Nothing serious…but still bad enough to leave a scar one could always point at and laugh.

From the friendship grew a romance and attraction that oddly coincided with my roommate telling me we were making him uncomfortable with all the …noise.

After that the romance simmered down a little bit and the real relationship begin. Fights about important stuff like whether tuna noodle casserole should have peas in it, or if a superheroes powers made sense or not (they still don’t, and that’s just bad writing). Also though an appreciation of what the other brought to the table, someone to bounce ideas off of and just whine too that your tired or need something to drink, but the fridge is toooo far.

From there came …actual life choices. House, kids, shared bank accounts, “datenights”, pets, who turns the lights off, who makes more money, why cant you throw the trash away, why don’t you close doors, car repairs, trust funds, tire replacement program, net flix subscriptions. Appropriate use of video games and the impact on societal changes in adolescents 14 years and older. A really good discussion on the correct usage of the word Marfan. How to make a sprinkler system the dispenses human waste and how that might affect members of society

Thoughts on what is OK to bring into the bed with us…like a cat or……another cat.

After 10 years of all that. I wearily looked at this force of evil and I thought. Would I do it differently. Would I give up the fights and annoying social habit, odious personal traits and general unwillingness to ever do anything that I enjoy. Would I take back that 6 hours of pride and prejudice. Would I restock my house with steak and add as much brown sugar to my tomato sauce as I want. Play my video games till whenever I want. Live in a house where any trash I made was only mine. Have friends over anytime I want without having to make some damn 1 month schedule check to see if its OK. Go out of town and not have to ask anyone anything about anything. Not have 2 cats I don’t want. Own a hedgehog. Have a freezer empty of …meatless foods. Be able to sleep till whenever I want without having to let some animal go outside at 4 in the goddamn morning. Put my awesome statues on any flat space available. Go see movies whenever I like without having to worry about whether some other person wanted to see but will actually NEVER GO…….

Be free.

Its safe to say. I made the right decision and would not change any of it any time for any reason.

Congrats on 10 years baby doll. Let’s make it to 20


Age Quod Agis

Whats in your Wallet!!??

Hey I’m unemployed. Familiar territory to those who know me. Got me some unemployment Kool-Aid to be sipping and a deep admiration for net-flix. Hobbies and video game by the dozen and over 100 miniatures waiting to be painted. What I don’t have...is apparently one tiny shred of actual motivation. Were talking serious lack of gumption to get up and do stuff. And I’m not even talking about serious stuff

I’m talking about ......put one can in the trash stuff or slide the giant tub of cheeses puffs slightly to the left so I can watch "X-files" better stuff. My coke is warm but that ice is soooo far away. An ant bit me but squashing it is really gonna kill the energy reservoir I’m building here. I’d watch TV, but pressing buttons on a remote is haaaaard. That kind of lack of motivation.

Ring ring
"Hello"
"Hey man, wanna play a video game online?"
"Sure"
"What do you want to play?"
".....this is too hard I’m outta here chump."

Know what I need? A personal motivation guy.

Someone who says "Hey Rayphoton you looks down, let’s make breakfast." And then proceed to harass me about it till I get up and make that damn breakfast. "Hey Rayphoton, time to sculpt. GET TO SCULPTIN MAGGOT. Hey Rayphoton let’s play some starcraft, YOU ZERG RUSH THOSE BITCHES. Hey Rayphoton there’s a spot on the counter. 409 IS YOUR NEW GOD AND YOU WILL WORSHIP AT ITS ALTER!!!

Or a pill, do they make a motivation pill. I know they make a motivation powder but it’s expensive and, I believe, highly illegal. And bad for you. Though at 35 what do I care.

You know who’s motivated. My wife, sugar sweet boob or whatever we are calling her now. She’s motivated to tell me to get the fuck motivated cause I AM CURRENTLY WORTHLESS!!! You need someone to rot on a couch and stare at you vaguely while you try to make plans, then I got worth, until that magic day comes. WORTHLESS

Or Ironcast. He’s motivated, shit he does stuff that uses motivation all the time. Builds car things and paints shit. Talk people down about expensive car things. Like a goddamn ferret on meth that one is. Motivated. Me...Not as much.

I tried watering my tree, I couldn’t get the gumption to stand at the window and stare at it thinking I should water it. Much less actually stand in the sun DOING NOTHING BUT HOLDING A HOSE!!!

Worthless.

My mom calls. She offered me almost 10 different job opportunities. I missed most of them cause was pondering the best method of bellybutton lint removal. Not actually removing said lint...just, thinking the best way to go about it. I still got that lint. Its grown...like weird grey moss.

You know whose unmotivated...besides me. Dead people. Slightly less get up and go then I got going right now. Gee

There’s 1000 ways I could improve my life right now. read a book, learn a trade, practice a skill, recycle cans, recycle trash, clean up, clean down, clean sideways wash my floors, cars, kitchen, sink, or bathroom, wash myself. Apply for jobs, look up jobs, make up jobs and tell people I applied for them, paint a miniature, paint a model, paint my living room walls, paint my wagon red, learn new foods to cook, eat said cooked foods, eat food period, draw, scribble, doodle, have paper in hand and jab a pencil at it, learn a computer program, steal a computer program, debug my computer of bad programs. Watch a show I haven’t seen, play a video game I haven’t played, play a show I haven’t watched, get a haircut, shave, shower, shit and shampoo in that order, dust my corners, corner my dust balls and ball my corner dust. Learn to sculpt, program, eBay or murder. Come up with inventive ways to off the elderly or end the infirm, masturbate, masticate or commiserate about bill gates. Rob a bank, bank on rob or be a tank eating corn on the cob. Sleep, study, write a symphony or strangle a......sarcophagus.

You get the point, there’s stuff I could be doing. And yet here I am not doing any of those (I did sleep though)

Maybe tomorrow I will do some of those things.

Texican 1 dollar taco night spent it with Castiron, Goathead and Gaptooth. Good times that. And fairly inexpensive to boot.

Their needs to be more gourmet macaroni and cheese recipes.

Latest statue to peak my interest.

Very long legs...nice

The spell check on this blog was horrendous. My mother recommended I be a writer. I can only shake my head. I have the grammatical skills of a epileptic 8 year old flying monkey. With terets. The height of my writing skill is improper use of the bold function. Firefox said I spelled terets wrong...and I don't know how to fix it. I AM INCAPABLE OF CAPITALIZING THE LETTER i. Maybe writing anything longer than a badly written blog is ...not...in my future.

Age Quod Agis