The hell….
Like, one day I'm looking at my thumbnail and its got this weird bump in it, which like any good human I ignore cause I got better things to do and I hope the problem will just go away. But then I see some weird white cracking a few days later. Small crack, not like a rift in time or anything Dr. Who-ish. Certainly weird but still easily ignored. However The nail continues to worsen and this yellow/green spot....thing starts to form. But wait, no worries, it doesn't hurt and as an added bonus, I now have is a thumbnail that grosses out my wife. I spend a few says chasing her out of rooms she wants to be in using it as a gross tiny riot shield. When she's all
"Your are a bad husband and I'm needy and I want more shoes and purses blah blah blah”
I just whip out the thumbnail and send her flying straight up yo
"YOU BEEN THUMBNAILED!!!!”
But then it starts to get worse, another green yellow spot appears.
my non existent totally made up cousin looks at it one day and goes
“I think theres fluid in there“
HoleeShit!!, shes right. Best course of action at this point. further ignorance...cause really at this point, how much worse can it get?
So I'm chewing at it a little one night and make a hole on the side and white puss just oozes out of it. And if I squeeze it just right...more comes out, like really gross toothpaste. And it gets brand new fluid everyday. Like the weird crap that comes out of zit when its all giant and white and your friends start giving it a name. Except no matter how much you squeeze it it never goes away. That my thumbnail
OH NOES!!!
I'm taking a shower this morning and when I squeeze my thumb, bubbles come out of it. BUBBLES MADE OF PUS AND AIR!!!! There is air now in my fingernail
I'm at my friends house munchin on some most excellent brisket, but then my finger slips and I stop eating and stare at my finger.
The friend asks "Whats the matter?"
And I have to tell him..."I got bbq under my nail. I don't know how to get it out."
I'm still waiting to get invited back. I Don't see it happening.
I give this thumbnail maybe three days before it comes off and me and my wife stand next to each other point at my rotted dessicated thumb screaming like howler monkey's
more at 11....
Age Quod Agis
No comments:
Post a Comment